Don't pull the trigger: BAM

Struggling with disordered eating for most of my teenage years, I've developed negative associations with certain foods. Some trigger mindless snacking (hello chips and salsa), some trigger purging (ice cream), some just make me feel sad depressed and generally like BLAH.

I've often wondered WHY that is. Is it something in my childhood? Some traumatic ice cream incident?
Actually, I did vomit ice cream all over my high chair at Old Country Buffet when I was like 3 years old (yes I remember that). But somehow I doubt this is why my stomach churns and my brain goes "behiavbieabvaan" when I eat certain things.

As most are aware, or I hope are aware, certain situations trigger certain behaviors. Example:
Watching tv late at night may trigger the "need" to eat or snack. (breaking that habit is quite the trick)


But it never occurred to me that WHAT I am consuming also has an emotional (hormonal) impact.

Reading It Starts With Food has shed some light on those emotional responses.
Since adopting a paleo lifestyle earlier this year, much of my trigger food doesn't typically find a home in my pantry anymore.
I did the whole30 in January and had great success. I tried to incoporate certain foods back into my diet and found I could eat/process dairy better than I could in the past.

Lately, I went a little too far and started incorporating dairy in the form of ice cream (Did I mention my loving wonderful partner has an insatiable sweet tooth?). While my tummy isn't super rumbly, I notice that my mood quickly deflates post ice cream indulgence. The grumpies stick around through the next day. I didn't really notice this until I found myself eating ice cream (coconut milk sorbet really) and the desire to purge snuck up and ATTACKED me. That's when I put the spoon down. And threw the carton away.

I refuse to go down that road. 

So I am back to ridding my pantry of any sweets and treats. I don't believe in cutting those foods out because they are "bad" or to limit myself so I lose weight or whatever. But really because I hate how they make me feel, they aren't good for me, and I make poor choices when they are in my diet.

Identifying my triggers and adopting the paleo lifestyle have been the two of the best things I've done for my body and my mental health. 

Disorder to Order

I am horribly shy.

kind of.

I mean I consider myself a shy person, my friends, coworkers and relatives may tell a different tale.

Perhaps my enthusiasm masks my shyness.

Perhaps.

But it is my enthusiasm I hope to share with you whenever you read. I am incredibly passionate about maintaining a healthy lifestyle. You'll notice I avoid the word "diet." If I do mention it, it is merely a reference to the food I choose to consume. The connotation of diet is so often ringing with "quick fix," "weight loss," "fat" "skinny" "temporary" that I'd rather not use it.

My diet is my lifestyle.

My lifestyle has changed dramatically during the past few years. I grew up, the youngest of five, in a very loving wonderful family. That being said, I was an extremely overweight child. Adorable, but fat. Let's be real.

No five year old should be worried about her weight. But I was. My weight became an emotional burden well into junior high and high school. Disordered eating became the norm. Bulemia coupled with a restrictive diet and lots of sports helped me shed 45 pounds off my 5'9" athletic frame in mere months. While I was fairly ecstatic about my new shape, my body was pretty angry with me. I was sick. All. The. Time.

I got awful stomachs pains. I was grumpy.

I started to lose my hair.

I have really awesome hair. I am not so keen on losing it.

Blame the media, social norms, obesity epedemic, whatever you like, but blame doesnt fix anything, this was something I did to myself.

Anyway, I tried to turn things around. And I did, fairly successfully. I got a handle on my bulemia. I'd be lying if I said I just turned around over night, but I managed to break the cycle.

I took my no-red meat diet a step further to pescatarian and then eventually to vegan.

I became a fabulous vegan chef. Seriously. I'm good. You do not miss meat when I cook for you.

Unfortunately, my weight started to creep up, I was tired, I was sick and I got these AWFUL doctor boggling stomach cramps.

It wasn't until I started at the fabulous Portland Fit Body Bootcamp in December and was promptly asked to throw my vegan ways out the window that things started to change for me. (I am stubborn, so it took a lot of time, reading, and persuasion for me to even consider eating meat).

 I've always been athletic, inspite of being overweight. I revel in my strength. My thunder thighs are a point of pride. Let me flex my calves for you.

Hauling my ass out of bed at half-past ridiculous five days a week to go sweat and push my body beyond all preconceived limits became my new norm. I loved it. While I could feel my body getting stronger during that first month and few stubborn pounds came off, I still wasn't feeling GREAT. I want to feel GREAT.

We started a New Year's Revolution Challenge in January. The challenge was to follow the Whole30 diet for six weeks, come to class at least four days a week and journal on progress.

Whole30 is a strict version of the Paleo diet: Plenty of fresh fruit, vegetables, grass-fed pastured meat, nuts seeds

This was incredibly transformative for me. I eased from vegan to paleo, replacing tofu and tempeh with eggs and fish. And when I couldnt STAND to eat fish ever again, I started incorporating poultry.

Now, much to my mother's surprise, I conjure up a steak for myself every now and again.

And guess what. I feel GREAT. 


So great.


It's been a bit of a roller coaster since then. Slips here and there. But there is an amazing, notcieable difference when I eat grains. I feel like shit. Nothing so awful as stomach cramps, if its just a little bit. But I am sluggish, moody, emotional, and much more likely to return to my binge-purge habit.

We just completed our second challenge and my FABULOUS team of ladies WON! WOOO! I lost a whopping 14.6 pounds and 13 inches off my body.

So my total weight loss since stepping on the scale in december has been 33 pounds.

My goal is to lose another 45lbs by the end of the year. With focus and determination and lots of support I will do it!